The connection between your emotional heart and your physical self

Sometimes when your brain isn't thinking clearly your body takes over and forces you to slow down, usually at the worst time. I was at work today and my body shut down. I've never had anything like that happen before and even I am having trouble describing it because I don't quite remember it. I lost myself, got very dizzy and nauseated and couldn't stand. I did have too much red wine last night and the night before, so that certainly didn't help things. Forgive me if this post is all over the place, I'm just typing as I think of things.

I was definitely not doing great this morning, but I passed it off as just too much wine last night. I had a coffee, water, a muffin. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, by 2:00 pm I hadn't eaten lunch and my boss thought that maybe my blood sugar levels had dropped and that food was the answer. It did help slightly, but I should have been able to stand after eating and I just couldn't. I felt so weak, afraid to faint if I stood. I know my eyes glazed over and the next thing I knew I was being walked out to my friend's car to be driven to the hospital. I was even having trouble speaking, which if you know me, is never an issue for me. I'm a chatterbox usually.

I walked into the hospital and sat down to be registered in the system. The lady asked me if Bryan was still my emergency contact. And, bam! It all hit me. I feel like I went semi-catatonic and realized what had happened. My physical self couldn't support my emotional self anymore. It was telling me to slow down and breathe. I have been going-going-going and haven't taken any "me" time. I have to learn that it's okay to cry, it's okay to grieve. I HAVE to.

I feel like such a horrible person for letting down my new employer. I feel like a completely insane individual right now. Most of all I feel weak. I don't want to be this way, I don't want anyone to know that I am in this bad place. But, I guess I didn't have a say in what people get to know.

So, why not share it? :) It's the next morning and I am still feeling a bit off, definitely heartsick, but I've got some strong people around me. I came back to Jasper for a reason. I've had people invite me over for dinner, for wine (obviously), one sweet guardian angel even dropped off an entire box of food because "rice is boring". She had read my original post. There are good people in this world of ours and I am really trying to be one of them, I guess I have to allow the good and the bad.

 A full fridge! I am so blessed.

I'm out of energy and need some major TLC today. So, this is me. Crazy as the friggin' birds right now, but somehow I will learn to fly.  Reminds me of a Beatles song I heard this week..."take these broken wings and learn to fly..."