I KNOW I have to follow my own advice, what I've been telling my girlfriends for the past few months. No one will love you until you love yourself. You need to work on you. Fill your life with the things you love doing. I know it's a process. Everything I've done in the past few months, from my jobs to my hobbies have been to better myself and to give back in some way...but my GOD it gets lonely sometimes.
I do so well in a relationship. I'm happiest when I can make someone else happy. When I have someone to cook for, to have sex with, to cuddle with, to be proud of, to support, to share ideas with, and to be my best friend. What is with me? Geez, it's like I've forgotten all the female empowerment I learned in university and traded it in for a damn apron. It's so hard to admit this, but it's what I want, it's how I feel. I want to be loved and admired by someone who inspires me. Is it so much to ask?
Even if I could get a few dates, it would be nice. A chance to dress up, be nervous, stumble over words until the wine kicks in....I can't remember the last time I had a date other than the one that ended in verbal disaster a few weeks ago. (Long story, one I don't feel like telling - his fault, not mine) Where are the men who want to ask you on a formal date? Not the ones who want to sleep with you because you were one of the last available girls at the club last night. I'm worth so much more than that.
I swear if I have to read one more fucking marriage proposal or see one more slew of wedding photos on Facebook I'm going to roll my eyes in disgust and die of eternal jealousy. It's true. I'm jealous. I hate it. I want marriage and love and the goddamn baby carriage and Facebook is a constant reminder that I don't have it. It's not like I have all kinds of time either. I'm getting older by the day and there's no solution in sight.
I'm just frustrated and lonely. I need some romance in my life, someone to be excited over again.
P.S. The ex comes to Jasper in about a week, I'm sure there will be something to blog about after that experience.
So nice to read this, so many years later and know I've found that. He's
ReplyDeleteweird and a bit crass, but he's my best fucking friend, and he makes me laugh HARD. Ha. I said "hard". With emphasis on the arrrrrr. Bitch.
Oh, and he loves me so much. I know. Gross. :)