Energy trap?

Okay, so it's not just me having a shitty week? Literally everyone I have spoken to about this has had the most off week of the year. Alright, I know we're only one week in, but regardless, it's been such a roller coaster of crap this past week. One friend has been worked like crazy, another has the flu, another lost a dear friend very quickly, another had a bike stolen (and returned - thank goodness) and even another had a long list of stuff since Christmas that I can't even begin to remember.

So, what I'm thinking is this whole Mayan calendar thing was spot on; we are experiencing a change in the world as we know it, the "dawning of a new era". However, I would like to think and hope that this isn't the case since most experiences as of late have been negative. What I would think (and you can believe what you want) is that this little mountain town we all love, nicknamed the Jasper "bubble" somehow actually did create a dome over itself and trapped some super negative energy over us and it's just hovering.

That, or it's January. :)

Thus, 2013, a new year, is a time for new something. A new life shall we say? Nah, sounds too cliche. How about a new plan, because the old one sure ain't working. No, it's the dawning of MY NEW ERA. Nailed it!

So far, I've barely smoked at all since the year change. I am not interested anymore. I love to sing and cigarettes are starting to inhibit my ability to do so. Thus, I'm not saying I won't have one occasionally, BUT as for actually buying the damn dirty things, not this girl. No more coughing, no more gagging. DONE.

Alcohol. I'm done drowning my sorrows. I am allowing myself to feel sad, but limiting it. Alcohol sure doesn't help when you're depressed. Initially it makes you feel up, but then you crash...HARD. I am so not into that anymore. I love a glass of wine, and I won't deny myself that, but as for "partying"? No thank you. I just can't physically do it anymore. I think if a special occasion comes up (St Patrick's Day for example, and even then I won't if I work the next day) I will consider it. But, the effects of it scare me. I've got no more room for depression triggered by too many beer.

I am trying to drink more water, eat as well rounded as possible (although it's hard when you're flat broke) and have more baths. I'm getting back involved with the theatre company (had a very successful meeting last night) in order to have something extra curricular. I have rekindled my love for peppermint tea and writing (hence all the blog posts lately).

On that subject of writing, I know some of you read my last post, the poem. I did not intend to raise alarm, writing for me is my way of release, of venting. That poem was sad and powerful, and may have read differently to some people than I intended it to. I am sad, I am depressed, but trust me, there is light, I can see it and the storm is beginning to blow away. But, thanks for your concern, it's nice to know I have friends and support out there, and honestly, it's nice to know people actually read this thing. :)

Thus, I really need to mend these pieces of myself before anyone else will even consider loving me. I am so not ready to be in a relationship. I'm being selfish, I'm working on me. I feel like a bit of a broken record, but this whole few months has been such a process. Groan. I hate it. It's necessary, but it blows.

Wish me luck.

Erin