Screwed

Depression is an ugly feeling to have perched on your bedside table. I can't get rid of it, it's always there, waiting for me to fall back into it's dark pit, and I do, regularly.

It sure would help if I could just start making smarter decisions in life. Smarter financial decisions anyway. I just made rent this month and that family trip to Cancun is getting further and further from my grasp. I had a little extra money this past month and I spent it on a couple nights out rather than saving it. I am a person of instant gratification and long term blues. Groan. What is wrong with me? I tried to justify to my mother on Skype that I am a failure, but she wouldn't hear it. (What decent mother would?) To say I am a failure is to make up an excuse. Bad financial decisions does not make me a bad person. Insane? Yes.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein -

Yep, so that's about where I'm at. Trying to sort out the things about me that make me successful or at least primed for it. I thought getting a degree and finding a guy who was my best friend and wanted to marry me was a good start. I was sooooo wrong. The degree hasn't helped me much other than cause me major stress on how I'm going to make my monthly student loan payments. So, it's made me creative...yeah, that's a good way to put it. As for the guy I fell in love with, well he loves something else more than me. Harsh reality. But it almost feel like I got screwed a bit on that one. 

I watched a video this morning that I wish I could have seen when I was 19. It might have helped.

So, what do you think? I feel inspired by it, am want to find my niche in success. What am I passionate about? What is going to make me money? Not necessarily, make me rich, but at least make it so I'm not constantly thinking about how I'm going to pay bills, have a balance between fun and work, eat, etc.

Speaking of food, breakfast is necessary right now. I might even be inspired to post again later. Writing seems to be the only thing that I have passion for....now to figure out how I can make some $$ from something I love....