The Forgotten Sailor
Don't forget about me,
I won't forget about you,
Says the man in the feminine floating canoe.

I am always here,
though sometimes I hide
I can be shy,
so look deeeeeep inside.

Stroke my head,
so softly at first,
Then pat me vigorously,
Hands, do your worst.

I just need some attention,
to be brought out of my shell,
If you use your tongue,
I swear not to tell.

So, remember I'm here,
I'm always keen to come out,
A little rough play is fine
I like to rock the boat. :)

E

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

I used to think that was such bullshit, that feeling the loss after a love was the most horrible feeling in the entire world (selfish thought, but that's how I felt). It's only at 30 years old, that I can maturely look at this quotation and realize how very true it is. We have to be grateful for the experience that love offers, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much your heart physically hurts, that the experience of falling madly in love with someone shows you how to love another, how to give yourself to another human being. Of course, I'm only referring to this statement through the eyes of romantic love, but it applies to brotherly love, sisterly love, the whole kitten caboodle. 

If it wasn't for my ex I would have never seen Japan, Australia and New Zealand. That's a positive thing, but I guess what I've learned from the experience truly, is that I don't want someone who is only half invested in my goals in life and I don't want to throw my entire being into another person's goals. I learned that in order to be loved I truly have to love myself and accept my own flaws. 

It's the first time in my life that I accept my body exactly as it is (although I still need to quit smoking - groan!) and the first time I am perfectly happy being alone with my own thoughts. It doesn't scare me if I have NOTHING planned for the evening ahead. I can be selfish and use the time to relax, better myself and reflect on the day. 

With this person I have been dating, I have a strong feeling it isn't going to work out....but at least I know I am capable of giving myself to a relationship again. But, I have standards that I am unwilling to compromise on, and this person released a few "deal breakers" a couple days ago that I am not willing to bend over backwards to accommodate just so I can be in a relationship. It feels good to love me. Life is too short to waste it with someone who isn't worthwhile. 

Ahhhhh, it just feels so good to write those words and MEAN them. 

A wise person once said, "Love is friendship on fire" and that is exactly what I want, a friend who invokes passion deep within my soul and I'm not gonna quit until I get it. 

So if you're out there, even if you're reading this, you can swing by anytime, or not, it's not like I'm in a rush to escape this selfish lifestyle. I'm rather enjoying being a 30 something right now.

:)
Erin

It's rather incredible how much life can change in only a few short months...hard to believe I was grief stricken and depressed not so long ago...

I've started my new job at the daycare, and albeit, is is a challenge, I am definitely up for the challenge. I'm working one on one with a child who has some development delays, helping him to reach goals and learn to do things for himself. I work in the same room as the two year olds, and there is nothing better than getting to work, hot cup of tea in hand and being greeted by several knee high hugs. I couldn't find a better job! I think it will require a bit of research and some nightly reading to learn how to do this job well, but when you wake up on a Monday and don't mind going to work, the extra reading is worth it.

On another note, I've tripped and fallen into something I'm not sure how to define yet, or even if I should. I met someone a few months back, and he expressed interest, but I wasn't ready. I didn't even know how to look at someone the way it felt he was looking at me. But, I gave the guy my number and said we could try a date perhaps...a month and a half later I hadn't heard from him and had just assumed he had forgotten about me. Life was coasting along and then I walk into a local bar to watch some live music and there he is. I immediately winced, not sure of how our meeting would go, but he greeted me with a hug right away. I asked him what had happened, why he never called, and it turns out I had accidentally given him the wrong number. Oops. He got a hold of some Mexican guy. Sooooo, to sum it up, he's been over three times in the last week and I'm so smitten it's ridiculous.

I don't want to jinx anything, since I don't even know what this "thing" is yet, so that's all the detail I care to divulge.

If you see me on the street, I'll be the girl smiling like a complete fool and walking down the sidewalk like I'm floating. I missed this feeling, the rush of someone new, the excitement of getting to know someone, the knots in your stomach when you're about to see him. If anything, this is at least a lovely way to move on....and if it turns into something more, well, I think I've done my time with the ones that don't work to deserve one that finally does.
:)